Talking About Hurricane Sandy

Like so many people I sat Monday night glued to the television as Sandy decided to pay the Northeastern U.S. a visit.  I sat in awe of the pure strength and unyielding qualities of nature.  The Earth was unapologetic in her wrath and not a single home or city was spared some repercussions of her tantrum.  While I sat watching these scenes so to was my twelve year old.  I didn't realize how these scenes would affect him or the questions he would have regarding it until Tuesday night. 

Tuesday night I decided we were long overdue for our pow wows.  It is just a time when we lock ourselves in a room, pop some popcorn, and just talk.  No electronics, no telephones, and no distractions.  It's just a time to sit and chat about what's on our minds.  Whether that topic is deep and meaningful or silly doesn't matter.  Tuesday night the topic of Hurricane Sandy came up.  He was concerned not only for the families that the storm has displaced but also connecting that we are in a hurricane prone area of the country as well.  So it brought up an interesting topic that I thought I would share with you today. 

As our children age and especially as they start to enter those tween years they make those connections.  If this can happen to them than it can happen to us as well.  They start to realize that Earth can unleash havoc into our lives with little warning.  I was unprepared and unaware that he harbored such fears.  Maybe your children are starting to question you as well.  Here's what my child asked and how I handled it.  I hope that my answers help you.

1. Mom, we're in Florida.  You know that can happen here.  I know that it can however please remember that we are not in a flood zone and we are miles away from any water. 
2. Let's just say that it does happen here what would we do?  The people of New York and New Jersey had ample time to get out.  The weathermen were warning them for some time not to take this storm lightly and that they should evacuate as soon as possible.  Some people chose to stay for whatever reason.  We would not do that.  We're not going to risk our lives for a house.  Material items can be replaced but our lives cannot.  We wouldn't risk it.
3. It's really scary to see what happened.  What would we do without a house?  I know that the images can be scary but remember that the news is going to show us the major damage.  They're not going to put scenes of untouched homes on the television, that wouldn't sell the news.  If for some reason our house would not be spared we have back up plans.  We have homeowners insurance that would help and there are shelters open.  Besides we have family and friends that wouldn't let us live on the streets.  We would do what we have to do to make sure that you are safe and secure.
4. What about the animals being rescued, would we take the cats and our dog with us?  A lot of times people leave their animals when they are leaving in a hurry or can't fit them.  It's sad but when you have to choose between a human life and an animal life, the human has to come first.  No one is going to choose their dog over their child.  We would absolutely do everything in our power to take them with us and I can't imagine that we would leave them unless there was no other choice.  They are members of our family and we love them very much, we would take them.
5. What about all our pictures and my video games?  Well, the family photos we would grab as many as possible.  They are filled with memories and are irreplaceable.  Material items may have to be left behind.  We would do our best to bring what was important to everyone but those things are absolutely replaceable.  We can purchase other video games and systems.  You we could never replace!   
6. Did any children die, Mom?  To be honest they haven't said that there were children who died.  I'm not sure. 
7. I feel really bad for the people who lost everything and I feel really horrible for people that lost someone.  It's normal and good for you to feel that way.  We should as humans feel compassion for others.  I can't imagine how sad it would be to lose someone so suddenly but the human mind is a funny thing, you grieve and remember the good times.  Just like we do with who we've lost.  There are a lot of people there to help them get through the loss.  It's horrible that they lost their homes and cities but I can tell you that they will make it through it.  They have thousands of people helping them and if there is one thing I know about that area of the country they are resilient people.  Remember September 11th?  They didn't let that beat them down and neither will this.  They will rebuild and they will move forward because that is what they do.  I'm proud of you for feeling compassion and I think it's fantastic that you understand their pain but I don't want you to get too upset.  It's time for the rest of us to lift them up and help where we can, it will do them absolutely no good if the rest of us are sad for them but not doing anything else.
8. How can we help them?  Well, we can start by sending them bottles of water and clothing.  Is there anything you can think of that might help them?  What about the kids your age, what would help them?
9. Well, if I was without my home I think I would probably want a nice blanket so at least I could be warm.  Maybe we could send them some of my old books so at least they have something to read in the shelters.  I think that they would like that.  See those are all amazing ideas.  That's what those people need more than our pity.  It doesn't mean we can't feel bad for them but it's better to feel bad and do something.  I will see what I can find out as far as placed to send stuff and what they are asking for.  Then we'll see what we can do to help.

He said he was feeling better after our talk.  What struck me about the talk was a couple of things.  First, I was struck by how conscience he was over what actually happened.  I don't know why this struck me but it did.  I guess we forget how much children actually pay attention and what they heard and know.  Second, the things he was concerned about were very natural things to worry about.  He had no concerns that I haven't thought of a million times.  If that was me what would I grab?  How would I choose what to leave behind?  He was very much aware of the nature of the beast and understood that sometimes we have to make difficult decisions.  Lastly, I was struck not only by his question if children had died but his deep concern and compassion for those dealing with this issue.  It was moving to me to see that he genuinely cared about them.  

I have always been a firm believer in telling my child the truth.  I think that the human imagination can be far worse than the reality and I have never lied to him, even when the questions got tough.  He came home after discussing September 11th in school and asked me if it was true that people had jumped from the building.  This was one of those horror stories that has haunted me for years now. What living hell were those poor souls going through that jumping was the only alternative?  As a parent I would have loved to tell him no.  That it was a rumor but it wasn't.  That was the reality of that day.  I told him that it was absolutely true and it was horrible to watch.  It was a desperate decision those people made at a time when there seemed to be no other alternative.  I couldn't imagine what they were going through that they chose that but I hope they died without pain.  All we can do is just realize it was a very personal moment and decision and we just had to respectfully look away.  It was a private moment that we should never have seen.  It was very hard for me to tell him that and I actually started to cry half way through it but I think it is vital that he hears those things from me.  Kids can make things ten times worse when they are talking so I want him to know he can ask me the difficult questions and get an honest answer.  

I think that the only way to handle the decisions that arise after a tragedy like this is to be open and honest.  I believe in letting him see my emotion, now I am not talking about unmitigated horror and terrified screaming, but a tear and sadness.  I think being clear minded and understanding.  Now, I am not a child psychologist and I'm on my first child but this has always worked for me.  I'm not sure if there are better ways to handle the situation but this is the only way I know how to handle it.   

See Hurricane Sandy from Space

 

 

When my family had decided to move to Florida the big question everyone would ask me is if I was afraid of hurricanes.  Since we have been here, knock on wood, we have experienced only high winds and some rain.  No big deal.  The one thunderstorm we had with tornadoes was scarier than any hurricanes I have experienced yet.  Now I am watching Hurricane Sandy creep closer to friends up north. 

 

NASA has posted a fabulous video of the hurricane as seen from space.  Guys, this looks like a rough one.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE if you are in those areas directly in its path be smart, safe, and know that my thoughts are with you.  I will continue to post any NASA updates. 



Denny's Hobbit Breakfast

On November 6th I believe that my son will have to be late for school.  The geeks have taken over the world one little Hobbit at a time...I am so excited about this.  I will don my furry feet, pointed ears, and cape and head off to Denny's to enjoy some Middle Earth delights!  First and second breakfast that is.  For more information click here http://finance.yahoo.com/blogs/the-exchange/denny-diner-middle-earth-160333541.html

Fashion Police in Cocoa

Over the course of my son's twelve years on this planet I cannot even begin to tell you how many times his mouth has embarrassed me.  There was the time he told a Vietnam vet that his wheelchair was one cool stroller.  The time he announced in the food court, loudly might I add, that Chick-fil-A makes him a little gassy.  The time he stood up at the Mommy & Me music class and started singing "It's Getting Hot in Here" and started stripping.  But one of the best comments, now I can see the humor in it, is when we were walking the mall and my son saw some teenagers with their pants sagging.  This was concerning to him, apparently, and he proceeded to walk straight up to them and said "Excuse me but did you know that your underwear are showing?"  Now, I was completely mortified.  How could I not be?  Luckily for me these teenagers had a sense of humor and laughed it off.  As many of you are probably aware Cocoa, Florida recently passed a city ordinance banning the underwear showing fashion sense.  Yep, that's right - it is now illegal to have your butt hanging out of the back of your pants. 

I know what you are all thinking "Well, gee, this effects me how?"  The truth is I hate that look.  I always have and I always will.  I just don't see the point in buying your clothes ten times too big and then walking around trying to hold them up.  If you would just buy them in your size you could avoid the whole situation.  However, I believe there is a fine line this city council is walking here.  Yes, I understand that they want their city to be civil and that the saggy pants look screams "hey, I'm a gansta".  They want their civilians to walk around with pride and dress appropriately.  First off, who are they to decide what is appropriate or not?  Will they hire a whole new force that is just fashion police?  When you actually stop to think about it the whole scenario is quite comical.  One hundred years from now I can see some kid cracking up over this unbelievable law, like when my son found out that in a city in Massachusetts it is illegal to marry a goat.  Apparently that was a real issue back then. 

My concern is that this ban will lead to a few bigger issues.  The first thing I don't get is who is this city to tell anyone how they can dress?  Is that a violation of our constitutional rights?  I'm not a lawyer but I think that falls under free will.  Do you consider how you dress to be an extension of your personality?  Your freedom of expression and speech?  The second issue I have is that I can see this leading to a lot of profiling.  Now let me just be blunt here.  The truth is that when a teenager wears their pants like that, whether it is the truth or not, it gives the impression that he is up to no good.  Is he carrying a gun?  Drugs?  It's just not a good thing.  This ordinance could go too far in allowing police to randomly search anyone based on their clothing alone.  It wouldn't matter if your sixteen year old son was hanging out with friends and doing nothing wrong, the police would have the right to pull them over and search them.  To me that is a huge violation.  The final problem with this ordinance I will use an example to demonstrate.  Let's say, rough scenario here, you're being held hostage in your home.  You finally get a moment and dial 911.  Now you sit there waiting for the cops to come and get you before this nut starts blasting away.  Not only do they not get to you right away but you later find out they were at another call for saggy pants.  The point here is that police departments all over the country have been forced by budget cuts to work with a minimal staff.  They are dwindled to the point, in some areas, so low that the criminals are taking over.  The truth is what city has the man power for this?  I don't know about you but I would rather see the cops handling true emergencies rather than patting down some kid whose only offense is his undies showing. 

It's an intriguing situation.  I know there's politics involved and people will start with it but I don't want to hear about Obama or Romney or the US government.  All I want to know is if you agree with the ban?

Differences of Personality

I know there has always been a debate if a child's characteristics are more nature or nurture.  For over twelve years I have watched my son learn, grow, and slowly become human.  Let's face it they are hardly human when they are little...they are more like sponges and then demons and then slowly they become more human.  I am watching him become a man and there are times, I will admit, that I look at him and wonder whose child he really is.  We are so different in our personalities that there is no possible way he came from me! 

I am a free spirit.  I grew up riding my horse, climbing trees, playing baseball, reading good books, catching fireflies, and being young.  Today I am an intellectual who loves a good book and would love nothing more than to live in a European village somewhere and forget the rest of the world even exists.  I love fantasy and imagination and truly enjoy being eccentric!  I guess you could say that I haven't really decided what I want to be when I grow up yet and that's just fine by me.  I write.  I write until my fingers ache and my head throbs.  My family always refers to me when it is time for creativity - I paint and draw and craft often.  I can't grasp mathematics and physics is way too much for my brain to grasp.  History is more my thing.  I think we can learn a lot from history and the future is too uncertain for me to be comfortable with.  I believe in the zodiac and the paranormal.  I am a wonderfully weird creature and I embrace it.

I raised my son with my quirkiness.  I have dressed him up, put weird hats on his head, spoke to him about gnomes, and told him fantasy stories from a little boy.  I have laughed with him and truly am a very laid back parent.  However, he is left brained.  He's an analytical, mathematical, scientific being.  He doesn't believe in the paranormal and fantasy is just that - fantasy!  He's a lover of physics, algebra, chemistry, and order.  He hates change and embraces the stability of life.  He is my polar opposite in many ways and for some reason that works.  I don't know why but it does.  We mesh.  I love that he is a little geek and that he sticks to his beliefs.  I love that he gets technical with me and when he tries to use logic to reason his way out of trouble!  So sometimes I have to stretch my imagination, I have to test my brain and see the ways we are so much alike!

 

In some ways I guess you could say he is all me.  He likes to laugh and making others laugh is always his goal.  He likes to tease.  He uses sarcasm and wit to create joy to those around him.  I guess in those ways we are very similar.  Some of my nastier habits he got as well.  While the words we use can double you over in laughter they have been known to sting.  And much like myself, his young self hasn't learned to have an off switch yet.  He likes to exploit people's weaknesses.  If you don't get sarcasm he will lay it on so thick just to get a rise out of you.  I think our biggest similarity is the fact that we love with all of our heart.  We won't show our hurt but we feel it deeply.  We will be the first to help if we can and the last to leave you.  We will hang on until there is absolutely no other choice but to walk away.  The adult me looks at him and sees all the areas of his personality that people will exploit.  His belief that people are generally good will hurt him, like it did me.  His deep and sincere love of those around him will kill his heart someday.  I just hope and pray that he will find someone, whoever that person may be, that will protect his heart the way I have all these years.  

So how do you raise someone that is your polar opposite in some major ways.  Here's my suggestions, whether the child psychologists agree or not:

• Let them be themselves - don't force your ideas upon them
• Don't expect to always understand
• Embrace their loves - Einstein is now one of my favorite historical figures (who knew?)
• Learn what you can about their favorite things
• Make their loves readily available - you may LOVE football but if your son loves trains instead than get him a train set!
• Experiment with your child and dare him to try new things
• Never ever ever judge them - it's your job to support not judge their choices
• Allow them to make those choices
• Understand that they are not little you's.  They are their own people.
• Finally, embrace that your life is going to be chaos...it's part of nature...and in the end maybe you will realize you love science too!

The Importance of Passwords

This morning I was reading this article on Yahoo Games about the most popular passwords.  It was funny that this article was online today since we are currently having trouble with passwords here at home.  I had never thought to tell my son, to educate him, on the importance of passwords.  I just assumed he would know not to share it and my parents never educated me.  Then I thought about it and the truth was when I was his age there was no passwords!  Scary but it's the truth.  According to the article the top 25 easily hacked passwords are:

1. password (Unchanged)
2, 123456 (Unchanged)
3. 12345678 (Unchanged)
4. abc123 (Up 1)
5. qwerty (Down 1)
6. monkey (Unchanged)
7. letmein (Up 1)
8. dragon (Up 2)
9. 111111 (Up 3)
10. baseball (Up 1)
11. iloveyou (Up 2)
12. trustno1 (Down 3)
13. 1234567 (Down 6)
14. sunshine (Up 1)
15. master (Down 1)
16. 123123 (Up 4)
17. welcome (New)
18. shadow (Up 1)
19. ashley (Down 3)
20. football (Up 5)
21. jesus (New)
22. michael (Up 2)
23. ninja (New)
24. mustang (New)
25. password1 (New)

So I asked my cousin's husband who happens to be a genius with passwords and asked him what his suggestions are for an unbreakable password.  According to him an unbreakable password should contain:

1.  At least one capital letter
2.  At least one symbol
3.  At least two numbers
4.  Contain wording that only you would understand
5.  Change at least every 3 months
6.  Do not have the same password for every account

When I spoke to my son I told him the importance of a password.  I told him all the usual stuff and how it is important not to share his passwords.  And then we started to think about what his new password would be.  He came up with quite the password and I think his password is way more secure than even mine is...now if he can only remember it!

Drama and Whispers

Ahh the joy of middle school...I forgot the joy of it all!  Today while driving my son and two friends home from school I heard a faint whisper from the back seat.  Now, I of course had to listen and I just simply heard "I did not say anything but _____ did."  As sure as I am sitting here my head started to reel.  Oh what trouble was my son in now, what sort of drama?  I started to concoct stories in my head and then I did the one thing I swore I would never do - I turned into my mother!

You know the moment.  That one moment when you hear yourself and your younger cooler self is screaming "Shut up shut up shut up."  But you don't listen to her and you end up sounding old and naggy.  As soon as we got in the house I went into "Mom" mode and asked him what that was about, that we don't keep secrets in our house, and that if he's in trouble he can tell me.  I hated being on the receiving end of that speech when I was a child and yet here I was GIVING it.  I couldn't stop.  It was like an eruption and once it started it just kept spewing.

Now like any child would my son clammed up.  He swore he had no idea what was being talked about and that if he was in trouble he would come to me.  He said he knew that secrets were not kept and if it is important he would let me know.  Basically "Mom, stop nagging me.  I know what you need to know and what you don't.  This is my business."  I got the message after awhile.  I stepped away and thought to myself "Now, honestly, did that speech ever work on you?"

So today I had to eat a piece of humble pie.  I realized for the first time that I cannot put on my super mom cape and rush in whenever there's a whisper.  That sometimes in this life there will be things that are truly none of my business.  He deserves his privacy just like I do.  So I apologized.  I told him how that speech used to make me feel, like I wasn't trusted.  I told him how I trust him and respect him and hope that if it is something important or even if he just needs to talk it through I am all ears.  That's how I left it and now he's very happy go lucky.  Slowly I think I'm getting the hang of the middle school thing!

Great Minds Think Alike

 

Saturday night was one of those rare Florida chilly nights.  Now I know those of you up north are thinking in your head "Yeah okay, chilly in Florida."  But the truth is we were in the lower 50's in my area and in Florida that is chilly.  In my mind there was nothing I wanted to do more than wrap myself up in my comforter and drift warmly off to sleep.  However, Saturday night happened to be a big event for my son.  The Orionid meteor shower was taking place and we could see it!  He had been talking about it all day and so it was that instead of curling up in my bed I found myself up late into the night waiting for the meteors to begin. 

I strive as a parent to feed my son's inquisitive mind.  I delicately feed him the works of other great minds that have come before him.  I do experiments and yes, I wait up with him until God awful hours to wait for the meteors.  It's nothing more or less than I think any parent would do for their child.  At nearly 3am we wrapped ourselves in blankets and headed out to the back patio to watch the scene.  I was grumpy - I get that way when I'm tired - and I wanted nothing more than for him to see a few meteors and get inside.  My little Galileo was standing there in his blue striped blanket and I saw it!  You know what I saw, that look in his eyes that tells you you did something amazing for him.  That twinkle, the sparkle if you will, of awe and I was hooked.  I found myself marveling as the heavens unleashed their display and was amazed at how insignificant a falling rock can make you feel.  In truth we didn't see much.  We saw one really amazing meteor streak across the sky, which got an excited scream out of him, and we saw five little ones that could have been nothing more than our eyes playing tricks on us.  But in the end it was worth it, if for no other reason than I saw him wear his heart on his sleeve.

It got me to thinking about other mothers that have fed a gifted brain.  You do what you have to do.  I know that Einstein's mother fed her child violin lessons to keep his frazzled brain focused.  But it got me thinking what other mothers could have done to shape their child's brain.  What about Hawking?  Was his brain nurtured even as his body withered?  What in his past made him brilliant?  It's a focus and a drive to stretch their brains that sets these men of learning and genius apart.  They don't look at the world the same as we do.  So I decided to read.  To read the history of these great men.  Einstein is fact in our house and I think I know more about him than he probably knew, thanks to my son's obsession.  I went to the library and picked up a book about Galileo and am slowly starting to get through it.  And then there is Da Vinci.

Da Vinci didn't have a mother obsessed with broadening his brains.  He was born illegitimately to a peasant woman and then raised by his paternal family.  For Da Vinci it was an uncle that gave him that spark of genius.  It was his uncle that helped to feed his young brain and help him to broaden his ideas of the world.  I could fill several pages just on Da Vinci alone, he's kind of my obsession.  But in the end all the great minds share the same similar theme - someone in their life that sparked their curiosity.  I don't know what my son will become or if anyone outside our family will remember his gifted brain but I know that if I keep feed him.  If I keep pushing his brain to expand in the end he will be a better man for it!

Changing of the Seasons

 

Being born and raised in the Ohio area known as the Snow Belt; the changing of the seasons was something we took for granted.  The leaves would change to all sorts of brilliant colors, the air would inevitably get a nip to it, and eventually the snow would fly.  We knew that the days would get shorter and we would be buried in snow.  As children we would wake up early and click on the radio waiting in breathless anticipation for the simple words “snow day”.  We would get cabin fever in February and wait to see if Punxsutawney Phil would see his shadow and watch for the first signs of spring.  We would cheer as the first crocus would pop its bleary head through the snow.  The joy of the changing of the seasons was lost upon our eyes after years of the same routines. 

 

When we moved to Florida the first thing we noticed is there seems to be only one long summer here.  The trees always stay a brilliant shade of green, the flowers bloom bright colors, and the weather stays balmy year around.  Granted we do have a few weeks a year where a jacket may be required but it quickly melts away to the typical tropical heat.  The season here consist of two major times, summer and rainy.  After almost seven years here we still miss the leaves, the crispness that beckons us to autumn, and we truly do miss the joy of the first snowfall.  We quickly became immune to the beach, green trees, and balmy weather.  Yes, we miss the frigid air of a northern winter!

 

So how do we celebrate the changing of the seasons when in truth we get none?  That was a dilemma we struggled with for much of the seven years we have been here.  How can you prepare for a season you will not see?  Here is the formula we use and it seems to be helping our Yankee selves adjust to life in the tropical south. 

 

Autumn – I used to laugh at my older family members when they would say they could feel fall coming in their bones.  Well, it is absolutely true.  Around late August my body still starts preparing for fall.  I get urges for things like apples, concord grapes, and pumpkin seeds.  Yes, I now can feel autumn in my bones.  There are days when I feel autumn so deep inside I can almost smell that scent of falling leaves.  In our house we start by taking out autumn colored items.  Fake fall leaves adorn whatever surface we can put them on, we have an autumn table cloth, and we decorate our house for the season.  It may seem like a simple solution but it helps for us to see a little orange, yellow, and red.  We also change our diet.  We go from the watermelon and oranges of summer to the apple cider and apple butter of fall.  We start to eat more comfort foods like beef stew and potato soup.  Anyone who walks into our home will smell the familiar scent of pumpkin spice, a candle that is burned as often as possible. 

 

Winter – This one is a little harder to prepare for.  We cannot possibly make it snow in Florida.  It just won’t happen.  So we instead start burning the scent of vanilla, which reminds us of Christmas cookies.  We decorate the house for Christmas and trim our fake Northern tree with the old familiar ornaments.  We bake Christmas cookies and keep our traditions familiar.  The one thing we do that helps us quite a bit is we spray our windows with the fake snow.  Now this may seem ridiculous and we’ve gotten a few odd looks but the truth is it helps us.  When we look out our windows we see snow; that old familiar friend that we hated so much when we lived in it but we long for now.  Lastly, but absolutely a spirit lifter, is we call our family and friends up north and talk about the weather!  I know it sounds cruel but hearing their tales of blizzards and twenty belows helps us to feel better about our balmy eighties.  Besides who doesn’t love a little bit of bragging rights?

 

Spring – Spring is a fairly easy transition to make.  After all spring is supposed to be when the sun pops out and the newness of life begins.  We work in the yard, we garden, we get our fingers caked with dirt (well wet sand at least), and we clean clean clean.  We spring clean our house and typically start a new renovation project.  It is our way of celebrating the season of newness!

It doesn’t matter where you live in the world, if you are from the North you want your seasons.  You don’t have to travel to find that little taste of change but you can bring the seasons to you.  Celebrate those changing seasons with all the vigor of a Yankee.  Enjoy your stew, hot cider, and pumpkin pie.  Embrace your inner clock and keep that feel of the change of season around all year!

 

I Need Your Opinion

I have placed my rant on here many many times about the lack of a store for boys.  I have serious angst that there is not a single store I can walk into in our mall and find something perfect for my son.  So it is with this thought that I have started writing my own business plan.  I will just do it myself!  I have always believed that if you don't like something change it, well here is my shot at it! 
If you have a boy 11 - 17 all I am asking is that you take 2 minutes out of your day and fill out my survey please http://kwiksurveys.com/s.asp?sid=yf9sefbotau4o7r35063

Please share it with friends, anyone you know that wouldn't mind filling it out! 

Thank you so much!!!

Periodic Table Game

Sometimes in this life you find a product so amazing and so perfect you just about jump out of your seat.  When I found this game on ThinkGeek (yes, I am on there AGAIN!!) I could not believe my eyes.  How absolutely perfect is this game for my child who has the periodic table hanging over his bed?  How amazing is it that there is a game so perfect for my child?  I have Christmas on the brain and this is going to be so perfect sitting under the tree!!!  Buy it here (just leave me one please!)

http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/f080/?pfm=geektoys_newest_f080_2

Online survey for a tween teen boy store

Please take a moment to fill out the following survey

KwikSurveys.com: Online Surveys, Quizzes, and Polls

Boys Need A Store

Yesterday I ventured out with a dear friend to the mall here in Florida and found yet another girl store open in the mall.  While it was fun to search through the cheap jewelry and wear the gawdy rings my mind began to fume.  Where in the world in our mall is there a boy store?

We need a store just for boys.  For that age group between little boy and man.  There needs to be a store that sells those hard to find in between sizes, belts, hats, t-shirts and anything else boy.  There is a market for it, I am one of them but why don't we do that?  There's Justice, Chic, Boutiques, and clothing stores that are girls only territory but why not for boys?  Where's there boys only territory.  The no Justin Beiber, no frilly skirts, and no Barbie kind of shopping?  It's ridiculous that there isn't one. 

I envision a place filled with t-shirts with boy messages, mugs with boy loves, hats, belts, wallets, and books that are boys only!  The store needs to have jeans for those awkward shapes.  Clothes for those kids whose parts are not always proportional.  They may have a little belly and their legs haven't grown quite so long yet.  They may be tall and lanky, with everything coming up a little too short.  All types of body shapes that make it insanely difficult to buy for them.

I envision a store where Bronies can shop with ease and find all types of clothing for them.  A place where geek boys and athletes will shop together and find what they need.  A store where aunts and grandmas can walk in a find something that's perfect for those hard to buy for years.  A shop where boys can come and be unhindered and free to shop without girls to distract them.

It would need to be a place that would sell boy books, movies, music, and games.  A place where every square inch screams boy.  The most important thing would be a place where mothers can take their sons shopping and trust that they will find what they are looking for.  That is my idea of the perfect shopping experience.

If you had that type of store in your mall right now, would you go?

A Boy's Rites of Passage

Since the dawn of man young boys have always had initiations into manhood.  Whether it be making a long journey on their own, hunting a large beast, or dancing around a fire.  There have always been moments that have marked a boys journey into manhood.  In many tribal cultures the practice is still very much a part of their culture. 

Sociologists have identified three phases that constitute a proper rite of passage: separation, transition, and re-incorporation.

Separation: During this phase an initiate is separated in some way from his former life. In the case of the Mandan tribe, the young man was isolated from the village in a hut for three days. In other tribes, boys’ heads were shaved and they were ritually bathed and/or tattooed. In a more modern example, when a man has just enlisted in the military, he is sent away to boot camp. His former possessions are put aside, his head is shaved, and he is given a uniform to wear. During the separation phase, part of the old self is extinguished as the initiate prepares to create a new identity.

Transition: During this phase, the initiate is between worlds-no longer part of his old life but not yet fully inducted into his new one. He is taught the knowledge needed to become a full-fledged member of that group. And he is called upon to pass tests that show he is ready for the leap. In tribal societies, the elders would impart to the initiate what it meant to be a man and how the boy was to conduct himself once he had become one. The initiate would then participate in ritual ceremonies which often involved pain and endurance. In the case of the new soldier, he is yelled at, prodded, exercised, and disciplined to prepare him to receive a rank and title.

Re-incorporation. In this phase, the initiate, having passed the tests necessary and proving himself worthy, is re-introduced into his community, which recognizes and honors his new status within the group. For tribal societies, this meant a village-wide feast and celebration. The boy would now be recognized by all tribe members as a man and allowed to participate in the activities and responsibilities that status conferred. For the soldier, his boot camp experience would come to an end and both his superiors and his family would join in a ceremony to recognize his new status as a full-fledged member of the military.

During the all phases of the process, the men who have gone through the ritual themselves guide the young initiate on his journey. By controlling the rite of passage, the men decide when a boy becomes a man.

 

 

 

While our American boys today don't have to make long treks through woods or hunt bears and bison to prove they are men, it has brought about an interesting dilemma - how do they become men?  At what point in a child's life do they actually become a man?  Is it when their voice cracks, when they graduate high school, when they get married?  What is that point?  It's vague at best.  Girls transition into womanhood in a large and significant way but boys have a harder time deciding exactly what it is that makes them a man. 

 

And so it was with this thought that I set out to decide how in fact I would help my son make the tansition into manhood significant.  This is, afterall, a big event in his life. Over the course of twelve years I have never let a birthday pass, his first steps were celebrated, and the first day of school is always an ordeal.  Why then would I allow him to quietly pass from boyhood to manhood unnoticed? 

 

I sat and thought for a long time.  I obviously am not going to send my geeky, gaming son into the wilderness and make him fend for himself.  I will not hand him a gun and make him face down a bear to prove his manliness.  No, ours would have to be a transition into a manhood for the modern era.  I sat and made a list of the things I believe a man should know before he is sent out into the world on his own.

 

1. Grocery shopping alone
2. Using an ATM machine
3. Starting a checking account
4. Doing his own laundry
5. Cooking at least 3 full meals
6. Doing the dishes
7. Filling out a job application
8. Keeping and maintaining a schedule
9. Changing the oil in a car
10. Filling the tank full of gas
11. Changing a tire
12. Mowing the lawn
13. Waking up with an alarm clock (and no me standing at the door buzzing at him doesn't count)
14. Vote and registering to vote

Let's face it these are the things that make an adult different than a child.  They may not be as interesting as hunting a bear, as eventful as a trek into uncharted territories, or as stunning as mystical party but they are the things that separate us.

 

The list is now posted on the fridge and slowly but surely we are getting through it.  He knows how to mow the lawn, get gas in the car, fill out a job application, doing laundry, and he knows about checking accounts.  We are slowly getting him through is rites of passage.  When it is all said and done we will throw him a man party and make a big deal out of it. 

 

What is your families rites of passage?

 
 

 

 

History Witnessed

Yesterday I sat with my family and watched in rapt anticipation as Fearless Felix jumped from space and broke the sound barrier.  How could a single man do that to his body?  We gasped and yes we prayed for his safe landing.  We were awestruck by his act of extremeness and yet we were terrified for him as well.  When he started to fall as if out of control we held our breath and when we heard his voice come over loud and strong we were able to breath a sigh of relief.  It held us in amazement. 

I realized when I was sitting there that I have witnessed quite a bit of history in my days and now my son's days of watching history unfold are beginning.  I remember being little and watching the Challenger explode on live television, I remember the Oklahoma City bombing, and I remember September 11th.  These are the historical moments I will be telling my grandchildren about!

So today I would like to share with you the free fall of Felix and let you witness the history as I saw it!  ENJOY!!

Anti-Bullying Month

October just happens to be Anti-Bullying month and while I want to give you plenty of tips for your children I also wanted to take a moment to share this amazing video from YouTube.  Our children are reaching out and it's up to all of us.  The entire world at large to help them put an end to the torment.  Bullying is not acceptable, it is NOT part of growing up, and it needs to end now!  Stand up, take a stand, and help our children live in a more accepting society!




Tips to help your child before bullying begins:

• Know your child. Know their actions and movements and know if something is off.
• Talk to your child often and privately. One on one.
• Warn them early and give them the tools they need to get through it.
• Reinforce to them that they are loved and cherished JUST AS THEY ARE!
• Never doubt them. If they say someone is being mean they are being mean.
• LISTEN! When they come to you and say they need to talk turn off the computer, T.V., or iPhone and listen with both ears and your brain focused on their words.
• Give them an out. Give them someone else they can go to if they need help. A sibling, cousin, uncle, aunt, grandparent or family friend. Let this person know that they are the go to person and have direct communication with them.

Tips if your child is being bullied:

• Make sure it is actual bullying and not just someone being mean. Meaness happens. It is part of life but bullying is completely different. Meaness is words that may sting a bit but it happens only once. Bullying is a constant parade of insults, online comments that are damaging, theft of personal property, damage of personal property, and lastly physical violence.
• Give your child the information they need. Where to go if something happens, who they can talk to, and what you expect them to do.
• Practice their responses and give them that boost of confidence.
• A self defense class never hurt a single person.
• Tell them they are loved and cherished.
• Watch for signs of depression.
• GO TO THE SCHOOL! Don't call or email...get in there RIGHT AWAY! Do not wait to see if the bullying stops. Often times it only escalates!
• If the school will not help you go up the chain of command. Know the chain of command for your school system.
• Do not coddle them. As hard as it is your job right now is to lift your child up. Coddling will only increase their feelings of being belittled. Give them the tools to realize they are larger than they think!
• Lastly, most important in my book, share your stories. If you were bullied share that with your child. Share your emotions and how you dealt with it. It is better if they know they are not alone.

Tips if you believe your child is a bully:

• Be willing to see that in them.
• Do not dismiss parents, peers, or school complaints about your child's behavior.
• Speak to them. Be open and honest about your expectations.
• Teach compassion through volunteer work. Make them see the imperfections of our world!
• Seek counseling. Bullies often torment other children due to a lack of self esteem in themselves. They cannot find their self worth unless they tear others down.
• If you see a rise in physical aggression seek help immediately! Your child's physical aggression needs to be under control. They need to learn coping skills that do not include harming others.
• If your child is suspended for being a bully do not make those days holidays.
• The handwritten apology and formal verbal apologies are best. They have to see the pain they have caused others and they have to be given the opportunity to apologize.
• Recognize the bully in you. This is the hardest part but often it is found that bullies are themselves a victim of bullying. Either from an unaware parent or an older sibling. The knowledge of how to belittle someone came from somewhere and recognizing where is going to be the first step to recovery.

The Blog for Ranters

For me writing is therapeutic.  It's the way that I seek to vent frustrations, get nostalgic, reflect upon my day.  However there are days when you just want to rant.  When things are going bad or frustratingly wrong and you just need to vent to someone.  You need to blab it all out there into the cosmos and know that somewhere somehow you're releasing the tension.  Today I dedicate this post to all the people out there that simply need to vent.  You can post it anonymously and let it rip!  This blog post is for those that just need to let out whatever is in your brain - so let it rip!

Letter From a Nut

In the world of parenting a tween you sometimes have those days.  You know the ones.  The days where their lunchbox gets stolen, the homework mysteriously disappears, the deciding to get out of bed after you have tucked them in twice, and that day when no matter what you say gets you the same snippy remark.  It is that day when you find yourself actually Googling boarding schools!  Yep, see I knew you would understand.

Today has been that day here.  This afternoon and evening I existed in tween mood swing hell.  That land where nothing you say can sooth it and no fight is going to resolve the problem.  So you do what any sane person would do, you walk away.  You walk away in frustration and with the relization that this war is only one sided and you are on the wrong team! 

On nights like these, after the house is blissfully silent, you begin to reflect on the moments that you could have done better.  The situations that could have been resolved in a rational manner.  If I had been dealing with a rational human being that is.  But I wasn't.  I was dealing with the irrationality that can only come from a hormonal tween. 

Now I could be the mother that goes to bed angry, I could drink, I could do any number of destructive things but I'm not.  I refuse to allow his hormones to dictate my mental state; although there are times when that seems like a pretty fivilous notion.  So I decide I need a laugh.  I need to laugh hard and long and wash the cares of middle school down the drain. 

It is nights like these that I pick up an old school favorite.  The book is Letters From a Nut by Todd L. Nancy.  Now, the first thing you should know is that this book was placed in my hands over fifteen years ago now.  I remember the first time I read it and how randomly hilarious it is.  Although I have read the book a thousand times over the years I still laugh.  Here I will copy the description so you can get a better handle on what I mean.

"What if you wrote to the Baseball Hall of Fame offering to donate a full set of Mickey Mantle's toenail clippings? Why, they'd be glad to have 'em--even if you are "a Level 4 bed-wetter." Cooperstown is only one of many institutions terrorized in Letters from a Nut, a collection of crazed correspondence by Ted L. Nancy. The name is a pseudonym, perhaps for Jerry Seinfeld, who wrote the introduction. Seinfeld never comes clean, but the yocks sure sound like his material. And the letters have his prints all over them--who else would write the L.A. Lakers posing as a rabid fan who wears pants with a see-through back end, "for medical reasons"? Whoever wrote it, the book's a real lark. Where else can you meet "Pip, the Mighty Squeak," a man who gambles in a giant shrimp costume, or a corn that looks like Shelley Fabares? Only inside the fevered brain of Ted L. Nancy--whether he's Jerry Seinfeld or not."  -Amazon Description

Yes, it is the book written by a man that writes letters to companies and organizations that then write him back.  That is the basic premise but Todd L. Nancy takes these simple little letters and makes them into a full blown Broadway musical.  Before you know it you have tears running down your face and you're popping online to email a friend the most hilarious message that you have probably already told her a thousand times before.

That is my martini, my vodka, my drug of choice - a good book that lifts the spirit through blatant ridiculousness.  That's what will sustain me through these horrible tween years and the teen years ahead.  Thank God he has since written many more editions!  I think I may just need them.