A Boy's Rites of Passage

Since the dawn of man young boys have always had initiations into manhood.  Whether it be making a long journey on their own, hunting a large beast, or dancing around a fire.  There have always been moments that have marked a boys journey into manhood.  In many tribal cultures the practice is still very much a part of their culture. 

Sociologists have identified three phases that constitute a proper rite of passage: separation, transition, and re-incorporation.

Separation: During this phase an initiate is separated in some way from his former life. In the case of the Mandan tribe, the young man was isolated from the village in a hut for three days. In other tribes, boys’ heads were shaved and they were ritually bathed and/or tattooed. In a more modern example, when a man has just enlisted in the military, he is sent away to boot camp. His former possessions are put aside, his head is shaved, and he is given a uniform to wear. During the separation phase, part of the old self is extinguished as the initiate prepares to create a new identity.

Transition: During this phase, the initiate is between worlds-no longer part of his old life but not yet fully inducted into his new one. He is taught the knowledge needed to become a full-fledged member of that group. And he is called upon to pass tests that show he is ready for the leap. In tribal societies, the elders would impart to the initiate what it meant to be a man and how the boy was to conduct himself once he had become one. The initiate would then participate in ritual ceremonies which often involved pain and endurance. In the case of the new soldier, he is yelled at, prodded, exercised, and disciplined to prepare him to receive a rank and title.

Re-incorporation. In this phase, the initiate, having passed the tests necessary and proving himself worthy, is re-introduced into his community, which recognizes and honors his new status within the group. For tribal societies, this meant a village-wide feast and celebration. The boy would now be recognized by all tribe members as a man and allowed to participate in the activities and responsibilities that status conferred. For the soldier, his boot camp experience would come to an end and both his superiors and his family would join in a ceremony to recognize his new status as a full-fledged member of the military.

During the all phases of the process, the men who have gone through the ritual themselves guide the young initiate on his journey. By controlling the rite of passage, the men decide when a boy becomes a man.

 

 

 

While our American boys today don't have to make long treks through woods or hunt bears and bison to prove they are men, it has brought about an interesting dilemma - how do they become men?  At what point in a child's life do they actually become a man?  Is it when their voice cracks, when they graduate high school, when they get married?  What is that point?  It's vague at best.  Girls transition into womanhood in a large and significant way but boys have a harder time deciding exactly what it is that makes them a man. 

 

And so it was with this thought that I set out to decide how in fact I would help my son make the tansition into manhood significant.  This is, afterall, a big event in his life. Over the course of twelve years I have never let a birthday pass, his first steps were celebrated, and the first day of school is always an ordeal.  Why then would I allow him to quietly pass from boyhood to manhood unnoticed? 

 

I sat and thought for a long time.  I obviously am not going to send my geeky, gaming son into the wilderness and make him fend for himself.  I will not hand him a gun and make him face down a bear to prove his manliness.  No, ours would have to be a transition into a manhood for the modern era.  I sat and made a list of the things I believe a man should know before he is sent out into the world on his own.

 

1. Grocery shopping alone
2. Using an ATM machine
3. Starting a checking account
4. Doing his own laundry
5. Cooking at least 3 full meals
6. Doing the dishes
7. Filling out a job application
8. Keeping and maintaining a schedule
9. Changing the oil in a car
10. Filling the tank full of gas
11. Changing a tire
12. Mowing the lawn
13. Waking up with an alarm clock (and no me standing at the door buzzing at him doesn't count)
14. Vote and registering to vote

Let's face it these are the things that make an adult different than a child.  They may not be as interesting as hunting a bear, as eventful as a trek into uncharted territories, or as stunning as mystical party but they are the things that separate us.

 

The list is now posted on the fridge and slowly but surely we are getting through it.  He knows how to mow the lawn, get gas in the car, fill out a job application, doing laundry, and he knows about checking accounts.  We are slowly getting him through is rites of passage.  When it is all said and done we will throw him a man party and make a big deal out of it. 

 

What is your families rites of passage?