Ever since my son was in Kindergarten I have stood along the hallway and clapped out the graduating 5th grade class. As parents, teachers, and younger students line the hallways the graduating class walks down the hall, caps on heads, and everyone claps them out! For all their years of hard work and dedication it is a fitting tribute. So last year it was time for my son to be clapped out. I had thought about this day for a long time. Would I cry? Would I be able to clap him out? How would I react to the day? And then there it was...it was upon me. I was feeling pretty good. I knew he was prepared and well ready to leave the little kids behind, but it seemed like yesterday that I walked him down that same hallway and handed him off to his Kindergarten teacher. I stood there, giant gator balloon in hand, ready to clap out my child. The classes filed out, one by one, and my anticipation was mounting. I couldn't wait to see him in his graduation cap. How had the time flew by without me realizing it? As the final class, his class, made the descent down the hall my heart was pounding in my chest. The welling of tears in my eyes began (as they are doing right now as I write). Oh this was his moment, the moment I had been waiting for. Out comes 22 students and still my son was not there. I searched through the faces and couldn't locate him. Out comes his teacher and still no son. Panic was starting to set in. Had I somehow missed him? Then two feet behind his teacher I see his head. I see his hair...wait, I shouldn't be seeing hair I should see his cap! Out he comes just as you see him above. The top of his cap had broken off, he was dropping everything, and he was the last one out! It was so fitting that I couldn't even cry...it was just my son!!
Disorganized chaos...that's him. It's the only way to describe him. If he had a super hero name it would be somewhere between Captain Oblivious and Super Disorganized! It's just the way he is. So what is a mother to do with a child who has a chronic case of disorganizeditis? It is an issue that I know many mothers face. You have this child who is bright and witty, yet for whatever reason he just can't seem to keep it all together. You do what any mother would do, don't you? You drive yourself insane trying to swoop down and keep him organized. You go into his third grade class and help him organize his desk at least once a week. You keep up on his agenda, homework, and projects just so nothing is forgotten. And into your life is dropped the years of middle school. Guess what? They don't care that he's chronically disorganized and you're not welcome there. This is his world and the beginning of his life of independence. No mothers allowed! So how do you organize it? How can you teach organization to someone that likes the disorganization? Here are some tips I can give you that has worked for my son and some no-no's that only added to our headaches.
Organization 101
- Don't force the agenda! An agenda is constraining and adds more stress to their day. Instead...put a sheet of notebook paper in the front of every single class' folder or binder. This his "jotting down" paper. There he can write the assignments, quick notes from his teachers, and any special instructions. There's no constraint on space or neatness. Later when he gets home you take the sheet out, help him transfer the jottiness to the agenda checked by the teachers, and put a fresh sheet in for the next day!
- Get them a calendar that hangs on the fridge. Any major projects with a specific due date gets written in red, any reminder dates (books due back, change in schedule) gets written in blue, and any tests that are coming up gets circled in a bright color - ours is neon green!
- Have a bin that is just for dumping. This means papers that they may have to hold onto...things the teacher may want to reference back to....or things that have sentimental value to them at the time. This bin can be put under a bed, in a closet, or any place tucked away. This bin helps them clear the clutter out of bookbags and binders!
- The absolute biggest solution I can give you is PATIENCE!! Realize that some children, not just boys, are not naturally organized. That sometimes it's just going to take them NOT turning in an assignment (that's right moms it is not your responsibility anymore) or the teacher lecturing that can become just the thing they need to get it in gear!
- Don't force your child to stay within the rigid confines of the school system. Schools are there for the masses...let's face it unless you homeschool your child does not receive an individualized approach to their education. It's like you thinking that the jar of peanut butter you just bought was created solely for you. It simply will not happen. You are your child's only true advocate. Which means that it is up to you, as their parent, to assist where you can. It is NOT up to the teachers, guidance counselors, or administration to make sure your child is doing what they need to. And don't expect them to! If something is not working that can be changed for your child you have to do it. As long as it doesn't directly violate school policies, change it! There is no law that says your child must write ONLY in their agenda at the time the teacher puts that stuff up on the board. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work!
- Look inward before you accuse. I found myself ranting and raving to my son to get more organized and then I realized...I am no Martha Stewart! While the house is clean and mostly clutter free, there are areas that need improving. Putting clothes away after they are folded is my big one. I hate sorting clothes! So how can I rant and rave to him if I am guilty myself? So I acknowledged this to him and told him that we will work on it together. It helped him not feel so alone!
- Expecting perfection will only add to the disaster. I have witnessed time and time again parents expecting perfect children. Unless you birthed the next messiah, your child is NOT perfect! They may be wonderful, sweet, and absolutely astounding but perfect they are not! Don't expect the unattainable. I expect my child to be disorganized, I get that he will NEVER have everything in order, and I deal with what we need to handle at the time.
- Giving up has never solved a single issue! You did not give up after 8 months of carrying your child, when your feet were so swollen you thought they would burst, if you could even see your feet! You didn't give up during those horrible terrible 2-year-old tantrums. You didn't give up when you had to let them go to "big kid" school for the first time. And you WILL NOT give up on them now! It's pretty simple. When you give birth to a child you enter an agreement, a contract of sorts, with yourself. It's a lifetime gig. There's no backing out, changing direction, or divorcing your child. They are with you for the rest of your life! So you cannot and will not let the disorganization beat you or them. Summon your inner mama grizzly bear and tackle the issue at hand. I have always found that stubborness and a willingness to stay the course help a great deal!
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